jaceylou (jaceylou) wrote,

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Yet again i get fucked in the ass

thanks to my bestfriend my journal is still here.

so i'm at work just having a good day, 1 day until the weekend, relaxation, i'm working with one ladys account, and i notice this lady walk in, so i throw a smile at her and continue working with the lady at hand, so all is fine and dandy, and this lady walks into my isle and she takes her hat and glasses off and its my mom. i'm freaking out i'm so excited, i havent seen my mom in awhile, so i'm so excited "oh mom i missed you so much! whats up" well baby, you should go tell your boss you eed to take an emergency day, so she proceeds to tell me that my grandma passed away. you know it was bad when my grandpa died, because he was my grandpa, but now my grandma, this women is my favourite women ever, if i ever marry, i hope the girl is like my gram, immediately, not even a minute later my face filled with tears, it was like someone had turned on a valve and decided to let it run, all the way to my car, to my house and to my aunts i just cried. i felt sick, like oh my god, again?! like, jesus christ, GO AND FUCK YOURSELF PLEASE SIR. you need to just leave my family alone and pick on someone else. i think im going to go mental now. damon, poppa mook, gram. ack, ackack ack ack ack ack ack ack. 3 of my top 6 list. 50% of what i live for is gone. does that mean i get to give 50% less?? i think maybe

i'm going to roll another joint and smoke it. i'm having people in saturday night to get right fuckin' drunk, i know alcohol isnt the answer but its a temporary solution for now. and besides i've been really good lately. alcohol and shit.

mom and dad are taking over grams house, why? because mom grew up in that house and its the oldest house in the town, so theyre taking over the hous, its paid for and costs virtually nothing a month to maintain, plus i can stay in it when i come home on weekends and such and it has a pool, woot woot. ;'( such a big price to pay for a house, my grams life.

oddly enough all i want to do is drink, smoke pot and have stupid stupid meaningless sex..
sex heals all pain.

my heart hurts a lot...i feel like i just broke up with life, its an odd way of putting things but i know what i mean. . oh fuck me. im going to smoke this now.
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